Walkin on a Dream

I wish with all of my heart and soul that I had kept this blog updated.  I wish that I would have better documented the last two and a half years of my life so the words that I am writing right now would have more weight.

I AM PREGNANT.

After 2 and a half years of infertility, of tears, of heartache and depression.. Sleepless nights and feelings of worthlessness…. I can say I am pregnant.

 

I am 20 weeks along as of Yesterday with the most squirmiest little girl.

 

We are naming her Molly.

 

My husband late one night when we first began dating told me that he wanted a little girl named Molly to take fishing and teach her all kinds of things. Since then, Molly has been a dream of both of ours that we honestly thought that would never come true.

 

I feel so blessed and humbled to be carrying this child. Being pregnant has changed my life, and has brought me so much peace.

 

I pray everyday for good health for this sweet little thing in my belly.

I beg anyone struggling with infertility to keep looking, and dont give up because it can happen, and if its completely not an option for you.. Adoption is amazing. So many babies out there who need homes and mommies to hold them and love them.

Im so thankful and hope for continued good health for my little nugget and for me as well.

I hope to keep updating this though, this completely changes the blog. Which i guess had no theme or readers anyways!

 

Ahhhh

Soooo. Sooo sooo soooo sooooo much has happened since the last time I posted. My life is totally different now then the last time I posted… WOW

Heres the skinny. Husband got transferred home. We are no longer in Owensboro!!! YAY! We have moved to, and are renting in Downtown Lexington and we LOVE IT!! We can walk to stores and restaurants, eat outside, hear good music, see art…. and we live ten minutes from our New little Nephew… and also from both of our families.

My hubby, seems to be liking his new work environment though, he misses his old office terribly. He had the nicest coworkers, and they were awfully close.

I am not having the same issues with finding a job like I did in Owensboro. I had two jobs waiting for me before I even moved home… I start this coming Monday at UK!!!

Hard to believe this photo was taken a week ago, we got half a foot of snow... today it was a record breaking 85 degrees. We rent the bottom floor of this hundred year old beauty

See how you can see the Blue Building from our porch!!!

Late

wish that my postings weren’t so sporadic, however, I’ve become so involved with work, going to the gym and my photography, that I hardly have time to think, more less document the chaos

I have a few updates.

I have been hired on fulltime at the hospital, it just happened last week. I’m excited because it’s what I needed. I needed to have a REAL/FULLTIME job, for my own ego, sanity and self pride. I hated that I was part time. Also, this bumps my benefits, I earn more vacation time faster, I get my birthday off. That kind of thing. (the good stuff)

The one bad thing is that my hours got changed. From 7-330 to 830 to 5. I hope I can adjust quickly, because I am very use to having my afternoons to relax. I guess we’ll see. But honestly, Im so lucky, I would work all night if they asked me to.

See, being unemployed and unable to find a job was one of the hardest things that I have ever been through. It messes with your mind, your heart, your esteem. It’s a terrible feeling. I am so thankful to finally have a full time job. So many people aren’t as fortunate as me and I am so grateful.

My sister is pregnant, she is due at the end of August. They “think” its a little boy. If so they have decided to name him Locke. Not the most common name but I think it is cute and will fit his personality if he is anything like his mama. I’m so excited for her. And pray everyday that things go perfectly for her.

My baby sister is working 3 jobs right now, to try and save money to move out of my parents house and get an apartment. Bless her heart, she is doing this all while going to culinary school full time and really excelling there. Super proud of that little pop tart. She is turning into an amazing woman.

My older sister is taking her National Boards on Thursday. Sending all the luck and love and good energy her way that I can.

And my Husband is just “winning” at his job. He is an amazing attorney. His office loves him and they have quickly discovered his brilliance, love and passion for the law and his job. It is so nice to see him succeeding in such a way that I don’t even know if he knew was possible. He is going to do amazing things with his career, and I feel that he is going to make a difference in this world someday.

All in all, things are good right now. I miss my Mamaw still with my whole heart, but I do know that she is better off. I hope to post about a dream that I had about her on here soon but I just cant get into that tonight.

Update:

So,
I think I had previously mentioned that I got a job at the hospital. I am working there three days a week. Its a decent job…. the benefits are great (something I will never take for granted again), and I enjoy having a stable job again. I am wishing however to get more into my photography, though I cant seem to get into the market here in Owensboro…..

This is something I have never seen before…

In the early spring, the fields are purple. I mean, everywhere….. purple…..

My grandma, who I have previously posted about passed away last week… I was in the room with her and saw her take her last breath. It was heartbreaking. We all knew it was time, she was 97, her kidneys had shut down, and she was uncomfortable……
She was one of my favorite people on this earth, and she taught me so much. And living without her in my world is harder than I ever thought it would be. I still cry daily because I miss her so much.

This is Mamaw and my dad 2 years ago. He lived with her for the past 8 months and was holding her hand when she passed.
Gosh I miss her so bad.

On another weirder note…
Since the end of march, I have lost 40% of my hair!!! CRAZY!!! It just started falling out, EVERYWHERE. it is much much better now, but I went to two doctors who said it was stress, then finally saw a dermatologist who determined that the Metal stamping factory I was working at could have something to do with it.. So once I started at the hospital, I quit the factory… and Ive seen MUCH less hair in the shower…and much less in the brush!!! I felt crazy because everyone was telling me it was stress!!! But the hair falling out was stressing me out more!!!

CRAZY!!!!!!!

I just finished Tina Fey’s Bossypants…. OMG a must read. I have never read a book that made me laugh out loud… She is my new idol!

So much has been happening, some good, some bad, some bad then good…
Life is good and Im blessed.

Friends

I’ve never been the type of person that has had a HUGE group of friends. I was always that girl, who had the one or two BEST friends that were my world at the time.

Since moving to Owensboro, I haven’t had the opportunity (yet) to build any new close relationships with anyone since most of the time I have spent here I have been jobless or in a temporary position, and I’m really missing that connection.

I have a few really good, special friends.

My oldest friend, Celia, was a pre-school buddy, we were separated through elementary and Middle school but became friends again in High school, and sisters in college. She was my musical muse, and was the type of friend that you could call at two in the morning say you needed to go for a drive and she’d be ready to go with you in no time at all. The type of friend that was so close that I would wake up some mornings and she would be in my apt, asleep on my couch, because my heating cost were included in my rent and she didn’t want to stay in her cold place! The type of friend that has an extra key to your apt and to your car just in case you get locked out….

This is an old photograph circa 2005 or so celebrating her birthday at Portofino in Lexington

Celia in Vogue Italia.

She moved to New York City in 2006 to pursue a her lifelong dream of modeling, where she has been quite successful, appearing on Americas Next Top Model, making it to 3rd or 4th place, Modeling for Vouge and other magazines, editing for Elle Girl, and all kinds of other amazing things that I could never dream of accomplishing. Though I am so proud of her for reaching for her dreams, I can’t help but secretly miss her and wish her home sometimes.

I made a new best friend in college, her name is Rebekah. We were in Dental Lab School and then went on to get our Bachelors together at Eastern. We studied together, ate out together, Listen to music together. She is the friend that I can talk to about ANYTHING. She is rational, kind, and the most forgiving and non-judgmental person that I know. I’m so thankful for her. Miss her terribly.

She is In the Cincinnati area currently working in our field and doing big things, working on her masters. I haven’t seen her since July!

This is my friend Rebekah

We still talk 2-3 times a week, we share music, and I still trust her with my deepest secrets, but I miss this friendship and knowing that she is near……..

The last friend I am going to Mention is my friend Kelly, we became friends at my last job over a mutual HATRED of the gossip and high-schoolish behavior that plagued our office. She was a great friend to me and helped me get through some hard days there. We had ritual Yagoot visits, shopping trips and happy hours, and I miss having her near as well.

I guess what I am trying to say here, is I miss my friends, and I cannot wait to see them soon, and make new friends here in Owensboro once my job starts next week. Its the most exciting thing to me about this job is making a friend, someone here to hang with and talk with!

Job

So,

It’s very important to mention that
I GOT THE JOB! Yay.

The job is part time, 3 days a week. 24 hours. But it is still a job in a hospital in my field of education. The ladies that I will be working with seemed really great in the interview so I think I will fit in well there and hopefully become full time.

The job title is Release of Information Specialist. I will be offered full benefits and a reduced price membership to the Health Park here in Owensboro which is the Cadillac gym here. So Im excited. I am also excited that the factory is going to keep me on two days a week so I can keep the income that I have been bringing in! It sucks to still work in the factory, because Its hard terrible work, and I breathe in fumes and oils and metals all day, but they are great to me there and I love the income!

I can honestly say, this time last year, I had no idea how good I had it. I was complaining because my job wasn’t paying me enough and I was doing 3 peoples jobs, but I would give anything to be back there making the money I was making then. I would never complain again!

But such is life, this is the hand I was dealt and I’m dealing and excited that things are starting to look up for me.

This is a photo of an old BelAire for sale here in Owensboro! I love this car and recently was purchased from my etsy site by a lady in Australia!

Wake Up, It’s a bad Dream

I hate bad dreams. I hate waking up and everything just feeling… well, wrong. It’s four thirty in the morning and I’m up watching the Nanny, trying to get my mind off my nightmare so I can go back to bed again and try to sleep this off.

I thought I’d take a moment and Mention that I got my first interview since I left my last job. Five and a Half months later I have an Interview!!! And its at the Hospital here. The job is perfect besides the fact that it is only 24 hours a week. But it still gets my foot in the door and offers me benefits. Which is much needed.

Im so tired I think Im going to shut the TV off, try to watch Fran Drescher(sp) walk around in her little tart outfits and try to take my mind off my dream and go back and snuggle into my warm husband. Hopefully, dream free.

Sleepin alone… in a house I don’t own.

Well,
Hubby is out of town for a 5 days….. wah… tear….. sigh….. moan… whimper. Im such a wuss. I just hate the feeling that he isn’t gonna come in the door tonight or be next to me in the morning when I wake up… But, its how it is for the week anyways. There are many out there who haven’t seen their husbands in a year.. months…. weeks because of their service to our country.

I don’t know how you do it ladies… You are amazing.

So what should I do with myself???? Since Ive been home about 10 minutes and I am already in my pajama pants….Im probably going to watch crappy TV shows that I am too embarrassed to watch in front of my husband.. Make spaghetti for dinner…. Sit in a hot bath with my Pandora on Fleet Foxes…… then watch girly movies on Netflix that would make Greg Gag and cringe.

Ill be out by 9. Maybe 8:30 if the bath is really relaxing…

WOW. I bet you are worn out just reading this? One thing is for sure. Im going to relax, and enjoy watching cheesy movies and the funniest home videos….

We’ll see how it goes..

Snow Photos

Because we dont get enough snow down here. I thought Id post some recent and older shots of snow that Ive gotten!!!

Tuesday Blues

I really thought that the beginning of this would be the time when I would hear back some positive news. But its been nothing but rejections, Postponements and what I feel like, is false hope.

I spent the morning hours applying for jobs online here in Owensboro, Henderson and Evansville. Then I went out on foot at lunch time to the stores and shops downtown… No luck (The one place hiring has asked me to come back 2 days in a row because they haven’t had the paper applications for people to fill out.) And have been following up with jobs and reading up on study materials from school to help me if I ever do Get an interview that coincides with my degree.

Its really frustrating. And its really getting me down.
On a lighter note. We did get a pretty size-able (For the ‘Boro) Snow fall last night, it has lifted my spirits today.
Im going to try to have a good night, I’m making it Taco night here at our house tonight and there is A UK B-Ball game tonight so… im going to try to just relax, and pray it all works out.